Learning To Love Last Place

Courtesy: Jackson Borchers

Just a couple of months ago, I wrapped up my second-ever US Masters Swimming National Championships. After months of hard work, grueling practices and logistical planning for this trip, one short weekend in Irvine capped off my junior season of college club swimming. While my friends and I had a blast traveling to California and soaking in the sun, there is one thing that stands out about my races: I came in dead last for almost every race I swam. Like, it wasn’t even close in a few of them. A lot of my races were me vs. the clock, because my fellow age-group competitors took off without me from the start. Despite this, I’d still call it a successful meet and season.

Throughout my age group and high school career, my successes were sparse, and I experienced many ups and downs. I won’t lie and say I was always finishing last. I did make a few state meets and, depending on the crowd, could place relatively high at a local club and high school dual meets. However, those success stories were often overshadowed by embarrassingly slow times or unfortunate rankings.

Flash forward to my senior year, I debated trying to swim for a DIII college, but ended up choosing to attend a school that would be too fast for me. So, after a weird and lonely freshman year in 2020, my sophomore year I decided I would no longer swim alone and would try to start a club at my school. Thankfully, there were already some amazing people attempting to do this for me to hop on board with. This is where I got connected with US Masters Swimming (USMS) and the rest is history.

As thrilled as I was to begin swimming with people and competing again, there were so many doubts and pressures that filled my mind too. I wanted to be the best possible but having taken over a year off of formal training (and dealing with a small injury), I started the season in quite a disappointing shape. Whether it was comparing myself to the younger kids from my high school club team or the Masters swimmers who were 30+ years older than me, I found it hard to ever talk about swimming with others outside of my team because I was simply embarrassed about where my career was.

This past season, however, something changed for me. For the first time in almost three years, I started becoming consistently excited to go to practice. I had made a goal for myself to swim the 400 IM at USMS Nationals, so practice was key to gaining some endurance. Even more, our club had significantly grown in its second year and now we had a solid group almost every day. I was excited to see my friends, get back in shape, and just be in the water. This is a sport I love, something that I continually choose to do. Surely there was more of a reason besides simply exercise: I could do that in so many other ways.

Upon some reflection, I had a few questions for myself that I genuinely couldn’t find an answer to:

• Why am I making such a big deal about what others think of my career?
• What good is comparing myself to others doing to me?
• Who cares if I’m slow and get last at every meet?

But there was one question I did have an answer to: WHY are you still swimming? And that one was easy. I love it. It challenges me. It’s a healthy way to cope with my stress. I’ve made so many lifelong relationships through it. It gives me goals. So many answers!

I might feel pressured by the world laughing at my times and by trying not to be last every time, but is it really worth it? If you enjoy something, it should outweigh any of the comparisons you make to others.
At the end of this season at Nationals, I raced the 400 IM. I finished last by 38 seconds in my age group and I was 13 seconds slower than I was in high school. But I did it. I completed my goal of finishing a 400 IM in a time I was honestly proud of. Sure, I was last. Sure, I was pretty far behind. But you know, I’m so happy with that race because it was MY race.

I don’t know where my swimming career will bring me. Maybe I’ll be flying down the pool when I’m 27 and breaking records. Or maybe I’ll still be getting last at every meet into my 50s. All I know is that I’ve found something I love, and I don’t want to lose it no matter how “slow” I might be. While this pressure to be the best will come and go, I know at the core there is a passion for this sport that I don’t want to lose.

I hope at least one person who reads this will know that it’s okay to be a slow swimmer and still want to be a swimmer. I know you’re out there! There are so many outlets for it, which is the magic of this sport. One of the things that breaks my heart as an officer for a college swim club is hearing people say that they don’t want to join because they’re “not that good” or “aren’t very fast”. To that, I say, whatever. If you want to do it, come hop in the water. I hope people will take the chance and jump back in. Even if you’re the slowest in the pool that day, you’re still trying and doing something you love. Who cares that you’re at the back? Those of us that finish last all the time need someone to race!

Never give up on something you love. Some things are worth more than shiny medals and names on record boards.

ABOUT JACKSON BORCHERS

Jackson Borchers is a rising senior at Trinity University majoring in Psychology and Political Science with a minor in Film Studies. There, he swims for a Swim and Triathlon Club that he helped start with three other swimmers, and also competes for Masters of South Texas in US Masters Swimming. Originally from Colorado Springs, Jackson has been swimming competitively for 11 years and loves a good breaststroke or IM set. Jackson will be pursuing a career in counseling, but hopes to continue swimming no matter where he is.