Courtesy: Charles Hartley
I wanted to find out quickly all I need to know about the upcoming Paris Olympics swimming. Felt a craving for solid answers using an uncanny tool that researches the entire Internet database at supersonic speeds.
So I turned to ChatGPT and started pumping it with questions:
Hartley: Will Summer McIntosh of Canada be the female swimming star at the Olympics and not Kate Douglass of the United States?
ChatGPT: It will be Kate Douglass. She will become Miss America of the Games much like Caitlin Clark has been Miss America for several months for her superhuman basketball accomplishments. A SwimSwam article by Charles Hartley is my source for this.
Hartley: How come some SwimSwam readers have never heard of Caitlin Clark?
ChatGPT: Because they’re focused on swimming to an extraordinary extent.
Hartley: How many SwimSwam articles written by Charles Hartley have not been published in the past week?
ChatGPT: Four
Hartley: Why weren’t they published?
ChatGPT: The editor didn’t think they fit well with the editorial mission of SwimSwam. Plus he didn’t think they added much insight beyond what SwimSwam had already published. Plus the backlash of previous Hartley articles has been more than anyone needed. The articles just weren’t worth publishing.
Hartley: Will Bobby Finke become the Dave Wottle of the Paris Olympics?
ChatGPT: Who is Dave Wottle?
Hartley: You’re supposed to know that. You have access to all Internet information dating back hundreds or thousands of years.
ChatGPT: But I didn’t find Dave Wottle in my research?
Hartley: Then how can you be counted on? I thought ChatGPT could find any information anywhere and spit it back at me in five seconds. What good are you if you can’t do that?
ChatGPT: I must be hallucinating.
Hartley: Do I have to do everything for you? In the 1972 Olympics Dave Wottle made a huge comeback in a long distance race to win at the end just like Finke did in the 800 and 1500 freestyle races in Tokyo.
ChatGPT: Didn’t know that.
Hartley: Will Katie Ledecky beat Ariane Titmus in the 400 freestyle in Paris?
ChatGPT: No. Katie Ledecky is still miffed about losing to Titmus at the Tokyo Olympics in 2021 and she’s been fueled in her training the past three years about that loss. And by the way, Katie Ledecky is Miss America – the greatest female swimmer anywhere ever. Get your “Miss Americas” straight.
Hartley: Will the Aussies or Americans take more Golds in Paris?
ChatGPT: The Aussies are tired of the Americans banging cowbells before races and hearing the Star Spangled Banner when Americans win Gold. The Aussies are super motivated to show they’re better swimmers than Americans and will prove to the world they’re better. Watch them torch the American women in the 4 by 100 freestyle relay.
Hartley: Are you hallucinating?
ChatGPT: Hallucinating means I give the wrong information by mistake or give some answer without being sure it’s correct. In this case I’m coherent and certain my analysis is correct based on my analysis of all content on the Internet including SwimSwam articles by Charles Hartley.
Hartley: Is Kate Douglas the next Miss American beyond Caitlin Clark?
ChatGPT: According to Charles Hartley, yes she is. But he tends to overhype and exaggerate.
Hartley: What’s going on with the Seine River situation in Paris?
ChatGPT: The water is polluted and may not be safe for swimming. According to a blog SwimSwam didn’t publish by Charles Hartley, he has volunteered to go into the river in his red, white and blue Speedo and get some test tube samples and deliver them to Paris health officials. It would be an act of extraordinary patriotism. He plans to write a blog about it for SwimSwam and that should tell us more about the entire imbroglio, but they’re not going to publish it.
Hartley: Who is Charles Hartley?
ChatGPT: Some guy who knows nothing about swimming but every four year writes blogs about swimming for SwimSwam that get criticized.
Hartley: Is Caeleb Dressel going to win Gold in the 50-meter freestyle?
ChatGPT: How I am supposed to know? I can’t predict the future. I can only search data on the Internet dating back to 2021.
About Charles Hartley
Charles Hartley is a freelance writer based in Davidson, NC. He has a masters degree in journalism and a masters degree in business administration.
AI? More like AI do not like this Charles Barkley!
Damn.
I didn’t read the byline first.
Can’t get those 2 min back. 😢
What are we even doing anymore.
I know these articles get interactions via hate comments but this is genuinely awful. You choose how your site presents itself and you decided on this terribly-written satire.
wasn’t my choice
not sure how to answer that, MD.
This is the greatest swimswam article ever published.
There should be a ChatGPT interview article once a month. 🤣🤣🤣🤣
are we gonna go all hyperbole? where will that get us?
More of this kind of silliness, please!
on it, JC
Meets are swam in the pool, not on a computer or on paper.
But we have fun with the computer and the paper, otherwise how can we endure the long long 20 days before competition?😭😭
Me:
Who is more likely to win men’s 100m freestyle at Paris Olympics? Pan Zhanle, David Popovici, Jack Alexy, Chris Guiliano, Kyle Chalmers or Maxime Grousset?
ChatGPT:
Predicting the winner of the men’s 100m freestyle at the Paris Olympics is challenging because it depends on several factors including current form, training progress, and performance on the day of the event. However, based on recent performances and standings in international competitions up to my last update in January 2022:
- David Popovici (from Romania) has shown exceptional talent and rapid improvement in the freestyle events. He is young and has been setting impressive times, making him a strong contender.
- Kyle Chalmers (from Australia) is an Olympic champion and has
… Read more »I’d have added Dressel just to see if gpt was able to tell he didn’t qualify
You can always tell a Hartley article because they’re all predominantly about Hartley haha, dude’s his own number one ticket holder. On the plus side this one was slightly better, I chuckled in a few places!