Courtesy of Elizabeth Wickham
I’m definitely a “glass half full” person. I don’t like negative talk on the pool deck because I understand there isn’t a perfect team, perfect coach or perfect swimmer. When I’m at a meet and I’m around parents who aren’t happy and they’re vocal about it, I’m amazed at how negativity spreads like wildfire.
If our kids hear other swimmers complaining, they’ll probably have more than a few negative thoughts, too. It’s proven that so much of what we accomplish and our personal happiness has to do with our outlook. Being positive is integral to our kids’ success in the pool and in life.
Here are my parent tips on how to encourage a positive outlook in our children:
One
Avoid having them compare themselves with other swimmers. If they are going to do comparisons, have them compare themselves today with where they were a day, a month or a year ago. Have they improved in any way? Are their times faster than last year at the same meet?
Two
Ask them to name something that went well in their day. It can be something at school, with friends, or in practice. By focusing on the positives, we can encourage a positive outlook.
Three
Gratitude. This is a little different than an event that went well that day. It’s what are they thankful for in their lives. You can keep a gratitude diary and share what you’re thankful for, and suggest they do, too. Or, write on a white board what what you’re grateful for.
Four
After meets on my daughter’s team, the coach has “team time” and asks swimmers to mention positives from the meet. It may be a win a teammate had or that someone cheered or lap counted for them. It’s outwardly focused about good things their teammates did. I’m not sure how you can incorporate this on your child’s team, but it’s something you can talk about after a meet with your swimmer.
Five
Be a positive role model. How do we talk ourselves? Do we blame others when things go wrong? Do we get irritated or upset when life isn’t perfect? Kids pick up cues from us on how to behave. Most negative kids have highly critical or negative parents. They come by it honestly.
Six
Create a positive atmosphere. I don’t mean you need to gush on and on about how wonderful your child is every moment of the day, but offer a smile, hug, or an attaboy when it’s deserved or for no reason at all.
Seven
Don’t put too much emphasis on performance. We want our children to know we support and love them regardless of their swimming achievements. Compliment them for good sportsmanship, being a good teammate and role model to younger swimmers on their team—as well as for their great swims.
How do you help your kids to have positive attitudes?
Elizabeth Wickham volunteered for 14 years on her kids’ club team as board member, fundraiser, newsletter editor and “Mrs. meet manager.” She’s a writer with a bachelor of arts degree in editorial journalism from the University of Washington with a long career in public relations, marketing and advertising. Her stories have appeared in newspapers and magazines including the Los Angeles Times, Orange County Parenting and Ladybug. You can read more parenting tips on her blog.
My child is on a team where 7 and 8 year olds swim 6 days a week. Is this normal for the sport? The kids on the team are really good. I notice a lot of the older kids go to a different team when they hit 14 ish. How much should say an 8 year old swim?
New to swim – it depends on what they’re doing in those 6 days, and how long they’re going each day.
There’s no “should.” Most (though not all) would agree that 10 hours/week would be a lot for an 8-year old. Research continues to suggest that athletes who specialize too early become more injury-prone, and 10 hours/week doesn’t allow much room for diversification.
Even in most summer leagues (neighborhood rec swimming) 8-year olds go 5 days a week, and could probably go a 6th without a significant impact.
If you’re going 6 days for 2 hours/day, that’s probably too much. If in those 2 hours they’re only swimming 2000 yards, that’s not too much (physically, though I’d still argue… Read more »
My kids started in summer swim club, five days a week practice for an hour at 8U, a meet each Saturday, at least a third of the weekends there were also meets on Sundays including the invites, pentathlons, last chance, then league and state championships. Never mind that’s over half the weekends were both days. It was an intense two month schedule for kids and adults alike.
As parents we thought we had it bad until the kids did their first three day USA swim meet with over a hundred kids in each gender/age group……
Foster a ‘team ethos’ in the whole club / squad. Our mantra is #itsallabouttheteam
Good advice for a positive life too. Its hard being around the negative people that everyone encounters in their daily lives. Good practice skills for later.
Totally agree!!! But you can’t just help it when there are kids themselves in the pool comparing themeselves and bragging how they beat their team mates in the set.
I am blessed I have good swim mom friends and I just try to stay away to those are focusing on the negative side. You can’t really have it all, but being positive, impacts our children’s success in and out of the pool.
Great article Elizabeth!