Why I Quit The Sport That Gave Me Everything

Thanks to Alexandra van Dorsten for contributing this story.

When I look at myself from a third person perspective, I am surprised. I am the last person I ever thought would quit. Honestly, swimming has been my avenue for every kind of personal growth since I was 12. Being part of a collegiate swim team was far more than I had ever imagined I would pursue. Swimming has always meant the world to me and I have always put forth an effort and cared a little too much about my times, but I never thought of myself as anything more than average.

When I joined the UNCA swim team as a freshman, this changed. I found a new training gear that I didn’t know I had and dropped an incredible amount of time. I went from a 54 mid in the 100 free to a 52.35 in one season and from a 1:55 200 free to a 1:53. I was motivated to train even harder the next year. I even made a list of things I needed to do to make the NCAA national meet and hung it on my mirror for the entirety of sophomore year. Freshman year taught me that hard work really does pay off and that all I needed to do to be successful was to give something 100% of myself every day. At this moment, I gave my heart to swimming.

Sophomore year was incredible. I didn’t have the time drops I was expecting, but honestly, none of that mattered. We had a huge influx of freshmen and the culture of the newly founded team changed drastically. I looked forward to practice as a freshman because I wanted to be faster. I looked forward to practice as a sophomore because I couldn’t wait to see all my sisters and train in such an incredible environment.

Screaming across the pool, giving each other quick words of encouragement, and holding each other responsible for our training was the highlight of my year. I loved to hear, “LET’S GO LADIES” or “AvD, get your sh*t together! You’re faster than that.” I had never been on a team where my teammates cared just as much about me as themselves. I finally had a family in Asheville.

Junior year was a time for learning. I learned to communicate effectively with my coaches and teammates. I learned to be a leader and how to control my emotions and thoughts. I started looking more towards the future after graduation and searching for my true priorities, not ones that I had just accepted from previous years. I started to fill my days with much more than I could handle– research, honors program events, backpacking, a social life, a new relationship. I started to think about grad school and the peace corps. I began looking for an off campus apartment with my friend and worrying about big girl things like how to pay my car insurance. Real life came creeping in quicker than I had ever expected. All my priorities began to get tangled up and I was left choosing between my sport, my education, my mental health, my indescribable itch to explore the world, and sleep on a daily basis.

I can speak for all swimmers when I say that we have a love/hate relationship with the sport. You stick around as long as your love of the water outweighs everything you give up to be successful. For me, this ratio flip flopped during my third year of collegiate swimming.

I didn’t quit because I couldn’t do it. I didn’t quit because I hate swimming. I didn’t even quit because I don’t love swimming. I will always love the sport for what it taught me and the memories that come with it. Really, I just started to love other things more and I wanted the freedom to become my own person without relying on my identity as “AvD the swimmer.” I deliberated over whether to stay on the team for my senior year or not for months. I wrote out every single pro and con I could think of no matter how small, but when it came down to it, I just had to go with my gut. I quit because it was my time. No one can tell an athlete when to stop and many go on too long. Do not quit just because you’re about to graduate, turn 18, turn 21, change jobs or do any number of things that constitute a change in your life. Quit because it’s time. Swimming isn’t the safety net you think it is, and you’ll find that you’re more than capable of making something of yourself without a pool, a workout and championship to work towards. This was the scariest decision of my life but I am not looking back with regret– only with happiness from the lessons I learned and the memories I made.

Alexandra originally swam for WAVE swim team in Raleigh, North Carolina and then continued her career at the University of North Carolina at Asheville on a startup division 1 varsity swim team. Coaching a high school swim team in the area is always the best part of her day. Alexandra is also an avid backpacker who loves to travel, eat sushi, and swim under waterfalls.