- From Elizabeth Wickham: “4 Tips For Parents About Sibling Rivalry”
As the oldest in my family, I have seen and experienced both sides of competition among siblings. The competition between my brother and I has had intense moments, such as when he beat me for the first time. However, it has also been incredibly constructive. By constantly supporting each other and being each other’s loudest cheerleaders on the pool deck, we make each other better. It’s important to consider the negative and positive aspects of sibling rivalry, and how to make the most of it.
Even beyond athletics, siblings always seem to be competing for something. It could be something like the attention of parents, or simply the last piece of bread at dinner. However, siblings participating in the same activities brings about a new level of competition.
Swimming is a sport that frequently becomes a family affair. Children who used to spend time in the stands watching older siblings often join them in the pool at some point. This could create an enjoyable spectacle for parents and a bonding experience for the athletes, as the younger siblings follow in the footsteps of older siblings that they look up to as role models. As they progress through the sport, however, the competition between siblings has the potential to become something very personal.
Negative sibling rivalry
A dangerous characteristic of sibling rivalry is the defining of a relationship with a sibling solely based on competition. It is common for one sibling to gloat and feel superior after a better practice than the other, beating them in a meet, qualifying for a higher-level meet, or breaking more records – all at the expense of the other sibling’s sense of self and ability to improve. Such poisonous tendencies often translate into and impact life outside of swimming in a negative way for those involved. This often results in excessive bickering, hurt feelings, and a wavering sense of self-esteem.
Additionally, just because siblings are not currently competing directly, does not mean that a negative rivalry can’t exist. For example, one sibling in college might hope that their younger sibling doesn’t commit to “as big of a school” as they did. A high school swimmer may wish that their sibling excelling in club swimming eventually fails. A former swimmer may not be able to accept that their younger sibling is on the cusp of breaking their records.
The list of examples that fuel a dangerous sibling rivalry, as well as their various consequences, are endless. Yet, all raise a simple question: Why are people so often fueled by pride and jealousy when it comes to sibling competition?
The problem with comparing
Relative comparison is inevitable growing up with siblings. People know what makes each one different, and often mention it in casual conversation.
When something like swimming evolves into a large part of a person’s life, it becomes easy to use it as a measure of self-worth. A person may be characterized based on their success in the pool. Unfortunately for swimmers with siblings, such “success” is often perceived in comparison to the achievements of their siblings. This can lead to additional negative sibling rivalry. Not only are siblings competing against each other for pride and prowess, but also for attention, accolades and a sense of superiority when it comes to the opinions of those they care about.
However, sibling rivalry doesn’t have to create a negative experience for athletes, their teams or their families.
Building camaraderie amidst the competition
Although it sounds cliché, all swimmers must remember that swimming is not who you are, it’s something that you do. Keeping that in mind is key when it comes to making the most of sibling rivalry in the pool. Additionally, everybody is gifted with unique talents and abilities. In the end, somebody will always excel further than others in different aspects of life.
Despite this, having siblings that swim creates some amazing opportunities! Swimming with siblings can foster a stronger relationship that will last a lifetime in and out of the pool. Not only is this constructive for siblings, but for everybody around them.
A competitive edge can create a positive training atmosphere, in which siblings can motivate each other at every workout. Embracing a “family team” mindset can lead to enhanced leadership opportunities, as siblings can work together to help cultivate a positive team culture. Unconditional support increases the success of siblings, in which each hope for nothing but the best for the other(s). Considering the countless additional examples, embracing sibling rivalry in this way makes for a more enjoyable experience. Those involved will see success as a result of coming together, rather than letting the competition be divisive.
In my personal experience, swimming with my siblings has given me a sense of family pride. The team I have formed with my siblings is the one I consider to be the most important. Taking advantage of the opportunities that arise from swimming with siblings can help create lifelong memories, unparalleled success, and a legacy that wouldn’t be possible without working alongside the people who are your biggest competitors, yet greatest friends.
So next time the competition heats up, make your family vs. the rest of the competition. Be excited about what can be accomplished together.