As the oldest in my family, I have seen and experienced both sides of competition among siblings, especially between my younger brother and I – the competition has had intense and bitter moments, such as when he beat me head-to-head for the first time. However, it has also been incredibly constructive, from constantly supporting and encouraging each other to being each other’s loudest cheerleaders on the pool deck. Together, we make each other better. It is important to consider the negative and positive aspects of sibling rivalry, and how to make the most out of it, in and out of the pool.
Even beyond athletics, siblings always seem to be competing for something: whether that be something important like the praise and attention of parents, or something miniscule like the last piece of bread at the dinner table. However, siblings participating in the same activities bring about a new level of competition.
Swimming is a sport that frequently becomes a family affair. Children who used to spend time in the stands watching older siblings often join them in the pool at some point, creating what could be an enjoyable spectacle for parents and a bonding experience for the athletes. As they progress through the sport, however, the competition between siblings has the potential to become something very personal.
When Sibling Rivalry Becomes Negative
A dangerous characteristic of sibling rivalry is the defining of a relationship with a sibling solely based on competition. It is common for one sibling to gloat and feel superior after a better practice than the other, beating them in a meet, qualifying for a higher-level meet, or breaking more records – all at the expense of the other sibling’s sense of self and ability to improve. Such poisonous tendencies often translate into and impact life outside of swimming in a negative way for those involved, possibly resulting in excessive bickering, hurt feelings, and a wavering sense of self-esteem, simply dependent on what happens in the pool.
Additionally, just because siblings are not currently competing directly does not mean that a negative rivalry can’t exist. For example, one sibling in college might hope that their younger sibling doesn’t commit to “as big of a school” as they did, a high school swimmer may wish that their sibling excelling in club swimming eventually fails, or a former swimmer may not be able to sleep knowing that their younger sibling is on the cusp of breaking their records or reaching a higher level of achievement.
The list of examples that fuel a dangerous sibling rivalry, as well as their various consequences, are endless. Yet, all raise a simple question: Why are people so often fueled by pride and jealousy when it comes to sibling competition?
Siblings frequently grow up being compared to each other in every aspect of their lives. Friends, family, and others know what makes each one different, and it is often addressed casually in conversation.
When something like swimming evolves into a large part of a person’s life, it becomes easy to use it as a measure of self-worth, and a person may be characterized based on their success in the pool. Unfortunately for swimmers with siblings, such success is often gauged based on how one’s achievements compare to their brothers and/or sisters. This can lead to additional negative sibling rivalry, as not only are siblings competing against each other for pride and prowess, but also for attention, accolades and a sense of superiority over their siblings when it comes to the opinions of those they care about.
However, sibling rivalry doesn’t have to create a negative experience for athletes, their teams or their families. That being said, how can competition among siblings be turned into something more positive?
Building Camaraderie Amidst The Competition
Although it sounds cliché, all swimmers must remember that swimming is not who you are, it’s just something that you do. Keeping that in mind is key when it comes to making the most of sibling rivalry in the pool. Additionally, everybody is gifted with unique talents and abilities, whether that be in swimming, the classroom, the stage, socially – the list is infinite; in the end, somebody will always excel further than others in different aspects of life.
Despite this, having siblings that swim creates some amazing opportunities! Swimming with siblings can foster an even stronger relationship that will last a lifetime in and out of the pool – one that is constructive not only for siblings, but for everybody around them.
A competitive edge can create a positive training atmosphere, in which siblings can motivate each other to put forth their best effort at every workout. Embracing a “family team” mindset can lead to enhanced leadership opportunities, as siblings can work together to help cultivate a positive team culture that they desire. Unconditional support increases the success of siblings, in which each hopes for nothing but the best for each other (even if it means they win, achieve more, or break more records) while expressing a sense of humility and camaraderie. Considering the countless additional examples, embracing sibling rivalry in this way makes for a more enjoyable experience in which all involved will see success as a result of coming together, rather than letting the competition be divisive.
In my personal experience, swimming with my siblings has given me a sense of family pride. No matter what team I’m on, the team I have formed with my siblings is the one I consider to be the most important. Taking advantage of the opportunities that arise from swimming with siblings can help create lifelong memories, unparalleled success, and a legacy that wouldn’t be possible without working alongside the people who are your biggest competitors, yet greatest friends.
Nice personal observations. Article would be improved by comments from others with swimming siblings, e.e. the Foster and Litherland families just to name two.