Courtesy of an anonymous Swim Mom
Good morning coach.
I wish I had the courage to tell you this. I wish I could get you to think about your own child. I would ask you to think about how you love and cherish your child. I want you to think about how you hope the world is filled with great experiences and learning opportunities for that sweet baby of yours.
Please keep that thought in your mind.
My child to you may be just another swimmer. I, to you, may be just another swim mom. We are probably one of 1000s you will encounter in your career.
My child has given this sport 100 percent of her being-100 percent of her time. She doesn’t need to be an Olympian, but wants to succeed to the best of her ability and has short term and long term goals she wants to obtain. She wants to have fun, and she wants to learn and grow.
She gets up at 4:30am on school days and goes to practice. She carries a full load at school, tired and wet, while her classmates are dry and rested. She leaves school and goes back to the pool. Her classmates are hanging out, watching tv, or catching up on schoolwork. She is still in the pool. She comes home, eats and does homework at the same time, trying make up for the time she can’t get back.
She knows 100 percent attendance is what you want and what will help take her to the next level. She declines party’s and activities because she has practice.
She gives you all she can, day in and day out at practice. Sometimes you think she is working hard and some days you think she isn’t. What I can guarantee you is she is giving what she can each and everyday. She may have stayed up late studying or may be fighting a cold, but she is always at practice and always trying hard. Some days may look better than others, but she is trying.
She hangs on every word you say to her at practice. She knows when you say good job or when you say things that aren’t nice. She remembers these words and repeats them to herself.
Sometimes, she repeats them to me.
She goes to meets to do her best. She swims on Fridays, while her friends are at parties and mixers. She gets up before the sun to be on time for warm ups, while her friends are in bed. She swims her hardest. Sometimes she will drop time, and sometimes she won’t. She can’t drop time at every swim or she would get to 0:00. After her swims, she knows if it was an ok swim or a great swim.
She looks at your face and listens to your words. Please choose your words carefully, they can bolster or crush, while you may have not even thought twice about what you said.
To her you know the most about swimming, and you hold the key and knowledge to her goals. She wants your attention. She wants your interest and she wants you to be invested in her swimming.
She wouldn’t be in this sport if she didn’t love it. She wants to succeed and she wants to enjoy it.
What you don’t know is that you may do things day in and day out that make success drift a little further away for her to obtain.
When you make fun or her or single her out, even in jest, you push her goals a little further away.
When you don’t watch her race or podium, because you aren’t paying attention or are talking to those kids who always hang out to get your attention, you push her goals a little further away.
When you talk to her after her swim and let those same kids that are always hanging out by the coach, she is now being critiqued in front of her peers. When you let those kids stand there and listen in, you push her goals a little further away.
When she accomplishes short term goals and you don’t acknowledge them or worse belittle them, you push her goals away.
When you speak to my child, please think of how you would speak to your own child. Please choose your words carefully, as coaches words can linger forever. Please be gentle and kind, and remember that swimming is a huge time and financial commitment for the swimmer and family.
Above all else, please strive everyday to be the coach you wish you would have had or the coach you hope for your child. No matter how long you have been coaching, no matter how much you may know, it can always help to consciously remember THIS IS SOMEONE’S CHILD.
Someone has entrusted your words and your actions to the most precious thing in their life. Please don’t abuse your authority and power. Please remember these are children. And, above all, please do no harm.
Sincerely,
A NOT crazy swim mom, who loves that child you are talking to right now, more than you can ever imagine.
I agree my swim coach is always ignoring me or saying mean things to me and I put good time into swim practice.
As a swim mom, this just made me cry and reminded me of the responsibility every coach and teacher for that matter holds on their shoulders every day, in every word that utters from their mouths. Coaches truly are called to their work.
Why making kids take this sports so serious as if life will depend on it when they become adults? Why make kids get up at 4:30h in the morning to practice swimming? Why make kids practice at weekends? I don’t see any point on killing a childhood like they do. Swimming, for most of the kids will not help they as adults in anyway, except for the fact that they learn values that ANY SPORT would do with (generally) much less effort compared to swimming.
What I think is very interesting is if you look at this same article/letter on the swim swam Facebook page, there are almost 500 ‘likes’, almost 200 ‘shares’ and almost 30 comments. The tone of the comments on Facebook from coaches, parents and swimmers alike is almost entirely complimentary about the letter. Then look at the defensive comments on swim swam. When I read comments on Facebook from swimmers themselves, it breaks my heart. These kids are being influenced and shaped, both positively and negatively by the close, long, and time intensive relationship with their coaches-which was the point of the letter.
So many of the comments on swim swam are very defensive from the coaches standpoint. I would… Read more »
Says the person who did not use a name.
Just a small comment about comparing apples and oranges: Many of us do not use the FB site. It is entirely likely that there are many respondents to this original article who do not use the FB site.
To anonymous swimmom.
The problem is you.
I’m not sorry to tell this to you but you need to hear it. I realize that this will probably incite a emotional response that will cause my advice to fall on deaf hears but I hope you can take this time to view my assessment to help yourself and your child maximize her life in performance.
As a swimmer and coach myself I have been through it all. I was the kid that hung on the lane line, I was the kid that had a panic attack in my first long course meet, I was the kid that was dfl, I was the kid that received little attention, I was the… Read more »
“I was the kid that hung on the lane line, I was the kid that had a panic attack in my first long course meet”
My daughter just had her first long course meet yesterday and suffered from a panic attack and was hanging on the lane line. She has done numerous short course meets. Would love some tips on how to get her through this and complete her events at the next meet.
I’m not sure this swim mom was intending to critical of a coach or looking for coddling or sympathy of her daughter. I found the letter to be a good summary of the year round competitive swimmer’s life and yes, how different it is from their mainstream peers. I have a swimmer who has swum year round since 4th grade and is approaching her senior year. I can’t thank her swim club, her teammates or her coaches enough for all they have taught her over the year! There have been tears of joy and tears of disappointment and many hours of groaning and complaining, but I don’t think she would trade a minute of it. What I would really like… Read more »
Although Mom’s letter is heartfelt, I tend to agree with the comments that see the situation with a more realistic vision. I too am a swim mom with a kid who spend his entire childhood getting up before dawn to swim doubles during the school year, missing a social life, being tired all the time, etc. etc. There were good times and bad times and many lessons to be learned along the way. Kids are not perfect. Coaches are not perfect. Parents are not perfect. Everyone needs to work daily for better understanding of each other. Ultimately that is the hidden gift of the sport. The bad times were the times when our family learned the most. What I consistently… Read more »
I am the parent of a swimmer that will start HS in the fall. She has only swam club her whole life. I like that in the last 12 or so months I have taken a backseat to the swimmer/coach relationship. I don’t want to get involved. It is time for my daughter to grow up and learn how to deal with people if something is going on she doesn’t like. Sure if it is super serious I would get involved, but normal teenage complaints I don’t want to hear.
My attitude is if you don’t like something don’t do it. If you want to really swim then learn how to deal with an adult. This is just one… Read more »