My 18 Favorite Items from the 2023 Golden Goggles Auction

The 2023 USA Swimming Foundation Golden Goggles Awards auction is here! The auction is linked to USA Swimming’s annual awards gala and raises money for the USA Swimming Foundation, which provides free and reduced-price swim lessons, support for US National Team members, and disaster relief for swim teams, among other things.

While there is no custom-painted Caeleb-Dressel-tattoo car on the block this year (we still don’t know who bought it – I can’t believe none of y’all have seen this bad boy cruising around Miami), there are still a lot of cool items up for bid this year – including some really fun athlete experiences.

Out of the hundreds of items on the block, below I’ve peeled out my favorites of the 2023 lot. I tend to prefer items that don’t have a value – while I appreciate the generosity of an organization like Topgolf making a donation, a $50 gift card is worth $50, and anything above that is just a donation out of the goodness of the bidder’s heart (someone bid $55).

I much prefer auction items where the item carries an intrinsic value that far outweighs its commodity value.

• Note: many of the descriptions are vague, so make sure you check what you’re getting before you bid!
• Bid on the items here through Sunday.

Without further ado, here’s the list:

1. Broadcaster for a day (Current Bid: $1525) – Think you can do better? Time to put your money where your mouth is, literally. I don’t know what this entails, but I hope it’s on live television. 31 bids so far!

2/3 (TIE) – Private Cooking and Dining Experiences with Olivia Smoliga ($550) and Leah Smith ($500) – Neither of them posts much food on their Instagram accounts, so I have no idea if they’re good cooks or not. But these are two of USA Swimming’s best personalities, and spending a few hours in the kitchen with them would be amazing. If you bid on Smoliga, I highly recommend bringing Natalie Hinds (who did recently post a cooking video) along as one of your guests. That would be the best.

5. Custom Artwork by Natalie Hinds ($225) – Speaking of whom, custom Natalie Hinds art in the pile this year. A really cool way to connect with an athlete’s passion.

6. Drew Kibler Photography Session (Current Bid: $400) – If I win this, I’m demanding we recreate the photo below.

7. Play a Board Game With Zach Harting (Current Bid: $170) – DO YOU GUYS EVEN FOLLOW HIM ON TWITTER? This could be the weirdestbest experience of your life. Loser has to post a video of themselves doing the nay-nay on Instagram.

8/9 (TIE). Olympic Team Signed Backstroke Flags and Kickboards (Bid: $375/$260) – I know the big USA Swimming flags are the iconic items. And when your children have to clear out your estate, they’ll probably be the better sellers. But IDK, the backstroke flags and kickboard just seem so much more chlorine-y to me. For a proper swimnerd.

10. Gary Hall Jr. Belt (Current Bid: $550) – Designed by Gary Hall Jr’s alter ego Gray Halliday, Jr., this USA themed belt screams Gary Hall Junior.

11. Tickets to the Semi-Finals of The Voice ($1,000) – Donated by USA Swimming Board of Directors president Chris Brearton, who is a a bigshot at MGM. I don’t watch this show, but I think I’d still go see it live.

12. Olympic Trials Basket Kid for a Day ($2,850) – Honest question, what age are we capping this at? If I win, can I send my grandma? EDIT: Nvm. I see must be 13-17. Whomp, whomp.

13. Autographed Jimmy Buffet Album ($1,150) – We all learned this year that Jimmy Buffet was lowkey a huge swim fan. And now, after death, he’s still giving back. Love ya, Jimmy.

14. Wine Tasting for 4 with Ryan Murphy, Abbey Weitzeil, and Elizabeth Beisel ($1,000) – After a few glasses, you’re going to get all the gossip from within the US National Team.

15. Framed Set of US Olympic Trials Medals ($480) – Okay but if you buy these, make up a good story about how you got them. Like you befriended a bunch of swimmers, or your kid had front row seats and the athletes just kept handing them out.

16. Customizable Tile Mosiac – Swimming Lanes with Flags and Blocks ($650) – Tracy Grilli is legit cool, and I kind of love this. If I’m allowed to customize it, I’m making it red and black (SwimSwam colors).

17. Taylor Swift Acoustic Guitar ($4,150) – IDK who got this or who donated it, but throw this on Twitter and the bids are going to soar.

18. Charles Fazzino Custom Art ($180) – This sent me down a wormhole trying to figure out this guy’s connection to swimming (he apparently designed the poster for the 2000 Junior Nationals in Buffalo?) but I can’t figure it out. Two indisputable facts, though: I am a big fan now, and if this is an original, $180 is a steal relative to what his stuff sells for.