Swimmers are known to be hard working and dedicated athletes. We are also known to have quite a bit of smarts in us. We’ve learned to count our laps to infinity, read circular clocks with half our vision, and even to outsmart our coaches. Maybe? Or maybe not? I don’t know; I guess our coaches are pretty knowledgeable too, but maybe they’ll let this one slide. Those 5 am mornings, insane holiday training, and the continuous pounding at practice leaves us all at least a little bit delirious. Every once in a while we pull an “I literally can’t/ won’t/ you can’t make me” moment and try one of these and see if we can get away with it from our coaches:
R.I.P. My Favorite Cap
We have this one planned out pretty well. That really big hole in my cap on my forehead? That’s going to come in handy sometime soon. 10x200s alternate fly and breast? It looks like I have to pull really hard to fix my cap and whoops there it snaps. Goodbye, worthy cap that gave its life away for me to skip this set. I just hope coach didn’t notice that I had been saving that hole for a few days.
Breaking My Goggles
Similar to the cap situation except this one has different scenarios. The nose piece bust? The suddenly leaking gasket? Or simply the snap of the strap? And if Coach asks why you been on the wall for the past 10 minutes adjusting your goggles you say, “That set was so complicated that my head grew bigger while reading it.” So technically it was the coach’s fault my goggles broke; he made such a detailed workout.
Accidentally Forgetting Your Equipment — On Purpose
Miles pull for time and a fins test set? Not tomorrow. I’ll remember to forget my equipment bag and tell coach it was a mistake. Unfortunately, I think he heard me whisper it to my teammate while I was walking out of the locker room. Oh well, I’m still going to pretend it was a complete mistake.
“I SWEAR My Alarm Didn’t Ring”
Plus the electricity went out, the garage door was stuck, and my parents were in a bad mood. Actually, I overslept, but all the excuses that fit in my story are planned out. However I blank and say, “Sorry I was late coach; my dog ate my homework.” Wait what? Shoot I just used the excuse for my second period class. (and now Coach knows I lied)
Going to the Bathroom A.K.A. Shower Time
Runs out of the pool. Sits in shower for half an hour. Comes back out. Coach asks where I went? To the bathroom of course. He goes on to ask why I didn’t just go in the pool. I will then describe in detail for the next half hour about the hazardous chemicals that are created when you pee in the pool. (total time out of the water: 1 hour) I mean coach’s fault for asking.