I’ll Never Forget The Feeling Of Finding Out My Season Was Over

By Avery Fornaciari

I’ll never forget the feeling of finding out my season was over.

My teammates Leo Laporte and Andrew Buehler, as well as our three coaches Tim Quill, CJ Moran, and Stephen Etienne had all traveled to Ohio to compete at the 2020 NCAA Division II Swimming and Diving Championships. It was a competition that we had trained all year for. Andrew had just competed the day before, qualifying for the meet in a grueling preliminary process, and Leo and I had just swam the 100 Yard Butterfly in the Thursday morning prelims. Leo had an extremely exciting swim that qualified him for finals and was also a personal-best time. Although I did not make finals, I was proud of posting a personal-best time and was extremely excited for the following day to compete in my favorite event – and the one that qualified me for NCAA’s – the 200 Yard Butterfly.

Our energy was high after prelims when we headed back to the hotel to rest for that evening’s finals. A few hours before we were scheduled to leave, our coaches came to our rooms with the terrible news that the meet had been canceled due to the coronavirus.

We all sat in a circle together and just grieved the loss.

If you haven’t competed in a sport that you have been truly passionate about for your whole life, this sense of loss may not make sense. To us, it felt like a part of our hearts were ripped out. We felt extremely confused and robbed of our hard work, and were left feeling incomplete. I mourned for my last chance as a senior on the team. I mourned for the feeling of never knowing what I was capable of. It was the type of pain that is very hard to explain in words, but I know my teammates, coaches, and I will always remember it. My heart hurts for all of the athletes at that meet, and for every athlete that lost their opportunity, no matter the sport, no matter the country. My heart hurt for all the parents that came to watch their children, who just the day before were told that spectators were no longer allowed to stay in an attempt to lower crowds. Our own alumni, and swimming legend, Ben Michaelson came all the way from Texas to support us and was unable to watch.

It has taken me some time to really be able to reflect on these events without feeling anger and sadness. It wasn’t the NCAA’s fault this happened. It wasn’t really anyone’s fault. Everyone has simply been trying to stop the Coronavirus from spreading. It is horrible that so many lost the goals and dreams that they were striving for, but as time goes on we must accept it as the best decision to ensure the health and safety of us all. It is important to understand these shut-downs had to happen to save thousands of lives around the world. We have all had to make some sacrifices, and this is just one of them.

With that being said, I think it’s really important to remind everyone to continue social distancing and sanitizing. We can do this together… but apart! Although, seniors may always feel something is missing, it is so important to remember everything that we DID accomplish. Our sports have given us more than just competition, they have given us love, happiness, teammates, and memories.

I always dreamed of what I was going to say at the end of my swimming career, and writing this now has given me that chance to actually have it be heard. Originally, I wanted to emphasize the importance of believing in your team and yourself, and the power of mindset in achieving your goals. Although these values still hold true, this experience has enlightened me to a new piece of advice. In life, we all tend to be so busy that we forget to cherish the little things. I mentioned to my team already, that it can be difficult to feel like you love swimming and diving every day. Sometimes you don’t want to get out of bed, or the thought of another double makes you want to cry. That. Is. Ok. You can push through anything, and you wouldn’t be where you are if you weren’t talented and didn’t love the sport. However, when you feel like that, it’s easy to forget why you love it, and you forget to cherish every second of it.

I hope that your season never ends the way many athletes had theirs end this season but one day it will end and you’ll miss it more than you expected. You’ll miss the early weight lifting sessions, the high fives from your teammates after a tough set, the smile on your coaches faces when the team wins a meet, and the feeling of hitting the wall after all your hard work paid off. My advice is to cherish it and make memories. Collegiate sports are such a short part of our lives, but they’re an incredibly beautiful part.

While I have the chance, I just want to thank so many individuals who have helped me throughout this journey. I could go on forever here, but I’ll try to keep it brief. Thank you to my teammates (old and new) who have become my family, and who have never failed to pick me up when I’m down, especially throughout all of this. To my coaches (old and new), who believed in me, who pushed me, and who never failed to show me what hard work, passion, and dedication can accomplish. To my siblings for cheering at every meet, and to my Mom for always being a ray of positivity. To my Papa for being my Dads companion on the rides up to New Haven and for always inspiring me to try my best. To my boyfriend Nathan for reminding me of my hard work every single time I didn’t believe in myself, I couldn’t have done it without him. Lastly, to my Dad who put me into this wild sport. Thank you, Dad, for driving me to 5 a.m. practices growing up, for traveling hours for my meets, for never disqualifying me when you officiated, and for supporting me through all the good and bad swims. Thank you to the SCSU Athletic Department, graduate assistants, and athletic trainers for all of your support towards our program.

Thank you everyone for taking the time to read this.

Avery Fornaciari finished her senior year in 2019-20 season with the Southern Connecticut State University Owls.