Courtesy of Bavindeep Basra
Nothing but happiness felt over the past four years, yet I’m sitting here burdened with dissatisfaction. Nothing but a strengthened athlete-sport relationship built over the past four years, yet I’m sitting here in heartache from an athlete-sport breakup. Nothing but teammate trust developed over the past four years, yet I’m sitting here faking to them with a big fat smile. Nothing but health given by God over the past four years, yet I’m sitting here in anger at all the things that went wrong in His plan.
In the snap of a finger, the one thing I loved with my whole heart is gone: the past four years. Starting out as a clueless collegiate freshman who was determined to stroll around pleasing everyone, to a more grounded senior leader, I am overwhelmed with pride, yet burdened with unease. I continue asking myself, why? Why am I so hung up on the one thing causing me all this unease, the “perfect ending”? Why am I so focused on the final few races out of the hundreds over the past four years?
Simply because of: the countless 5:30 am practices; the countless teammates; the countless yards; countless meets; countless wins and loses; countless team dinners; countless tears. And much more. These were the ingredients to my happiness over the past four years, but these were also the ingredients to my dissatisfaction. I did not fulfill my checklist of goals, leaving a burden of an unaccomplished mission.
I have yet to grasp the concept of accepting all the goods and especially the bads, and understanding that it was the best I could do. I have yet to forgive myself for the letdowns brought upon my team and recognize the positive breakthroughs I’ve contributed towards. I have yet to accept the past four years and use the lessons, discipline, and hard work developed to open new doors.
Okay, so now what *asks every college athlete*? How do we go from dedicating most of our life to a single thing and transitioning to utilize all that time somewhere else now? What is that somewhere else? All questions that I wish had answers laid out for me. But from all that the past four years have taught me, I’m going to create new adventures and reach new heights to create these answers.
Thankful for the past four years.
About Bavindeep Basra
Photo courtesy of Fresno Pacific Athletics
Bavi is a senior at Fresno Pacific University. She is completing her undergraduate studies with a degree in Kinesiology: Exercise Science. Bavi has been a competitive swimmer for 14 years and has just finished her collegiate career recently, having the privilege of being a part of the FPU Women’s 4th place team finish at 2018 Div II NCAA. Forever and always, proud to be a Sunbird.
Beautifully written! Congratulations on four years well spent, which molded you into who you are today. Definitely going to have my daughter (HS Junior) read this as she hopes to swim in college (D3 level) and study kinesiology.
BEST to you!
Thanks for the story. You’ve accomplished what thousands dream of! Cherish these last 4 years. Your future is bright. In horse racing terms ( in regards to your future): “You’ve just rounded the first turn and are heading into the back stretch”. Glow brightly!!!
Too many strong words and heart touching expressions to describe a very simple fact: four years of the best period in your life, four years of greatest expectations – are gone. Everything was pretty much predetermined in college life – who knows what is ahead.
This nicely crafted piece reminded me my son’s college essay. Just replace the word “college” with “high school” and here we go: the heart of any member of admission committee gets melted.
Bavi you are a gifted writer – keep going.