1. “Did you win”
No. I didn’t. A single person cannot win a meet. It’s just not possible. End of story.
2. New caps
The gross chalky white stuff that comes on the inside of a new cap makes sure it slips off your head the first 5 times you wear it.
3. Olympic Swimming Fervor
That week of the summer olympics when everyone is suddenly a swimming fanatic. Ryan Lochte becomes every teenage girl’s phone background.
4. When people touch their feet
If you’re going to swim faster than me, go ahead of me. Don’t stay on my feet unless you have a death wish.
5. “Good job” after a bad race
If I’m walking away from the blocks not smiling, don’t say good job. Don’t try to make me feel better, because it’s just a reminder that I sucked.
6. When people complain about waking up early
Waking up at 5:15 for training gives us the right to be annoyed by people who complain about waking up at 9:00.
7. People who talk to you before your races
I’m trying to get in the zone. I’m trying to focus. Your incessant tapping is not helping. Stop talking to me.
8. Goggle marks
No, it’s not part of my makeup.
9. “You’re going to eat all of that?”
Yes. I am. Don’t question it. Don’t ask me for some. Get your own food and leave me alone.
10. “You smell like chlorine”
No kidding. No matter how many showers I take, it won’t go away. Don’t remind me.
11. “I can beat you at swimming”
Oh, really? Can you? With all the training that you do? Playing marco polo in your backyard pool?
We love it…and we hate it.