10 Female Swimmer Problems

by SwimSwam 43

November 25th, 2016 Britain, Europe, Lifestyle, Opinion

Courtesy of Claire Forrest

The girlfriends I met through swimming are some of the best people I have in my life. The pool brings people together, and our time on various swim teams has bonded us for life, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

There are a lot of aspects and experiences unique to the female swimmer. I laugh (and/or roll my eyes) about these a lot with my swimmer girls, and maybe you do too.

10) The disappointment when your nail polish doesn’t even last 12 hours. You’ve put on a great new shade and you’re feeling pretty good about it. But not even the best top or base coat combination can withstand a swim practice. Does it deter you? Nope. Just an excuse to try another color.

9) When you find a fashionable jacket or dress that fits properly over your shoulders and back, you’re tempted to buy one in every color. Can we petition to re-term “Man Shoulders” to “Insanely In-Shape Person Shoulders”? Big shoulders were never just for dudes.

8) You look wistfully at the expensive shampoos at the hair salon and the fancy products at the makeup counter. It’s not worth it when you could go through a quarter of those tiny bottles in one day. For many female swimmers, it’s waterproof mascara with a touch of chapstick on a good day. And forget hair styling tools! A messy wet bun and we’re out the door after morning practice, ready to tackle the day, and then back in the pool at night.

7) You are confused as to why women can’t swim the 1,500 in the Olympics yet. We’ve experienced Janet Evans, Katie Ledecky, and many other extremely talented distance swimmers. I think we’ve proved that women can swim the 1,500 as well as anyone by now.

6) When you show up to practice in the cutest new suit, only to see four of your other teammates bought it too. Let’s face it, swimming doesn’t have the added benefit of being able to wear cute workout gear like yoga or spin classes. A colorful, patterned suit is pretty much all the expression we’ve got. And no matter what, you won’t be the only girl on the team with that suit.

5) Shedding. Enough said. Boys don’t know how lucky they are to be able to shave their heads during swim season. The amount of dry, brittle hair you pull out of your hair and brush after practice is appalling.

4) Hoping against hope that your body doesn’t betray you during the biggest meet of your life. Ladies, you know what I’m referring to. And to make it perfectly clear for anyone who’s wondering: I’ve never met a female swimmer who has ever backed down from practice or a meet with this as an excuse. Mother Nature can’t stop us.

3) Explaining to your non-swimmer girlfriends why you’re not interested in dating any of the male swimmers on your team. There might be exceptions to this, of course, but the way your non-swimmer friends talk about boys in Speedos, they think you’d be into every one of them. First off, if you’re a female swimmer, you’ve seen so many boys in Speedos, it doesn’t even phase you anymore. Secondly, your team is family, and your male teammates are your friends, and like brothers.

2) Shaving. Girls count down to that final day of taper when they can finally shave their legs. Shaving is a privilege, honestly. Non-swimming women don’t know how lucky they are. Though, to be honest, it’s really nice to have an excuse not to shave your legs, too.

1) When non-swimmers challenge you to a pull-up contest or say they could probably beat you in a 50 free. Just like any swimmer, females have incredible arm strength, so don’t second guess us on pull-ups. And in the pool? We swim like girls, and that’s a good thing, so you’re out of luck. Swim on, ladies!

In This Story

43
Leave a Reply

Subscribe
Notify of
43 Comments
newest
oldest most voted
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
hannah
4 years ago

this is so funny and true

Stuck in the Slow Lane
5 years ago

One more-hats fall off if they don’t fit!

Wake
5 years ago

And the worst problem of all – suction.

JONATHAN W WASHBURN
5 years ago

I stopped winning against my daughter after her sophomore year. Occasionally I meet some jock who claims he swims some laps and wonders if he could beat my daughter. They usually have no clue what a time for a fifty or hundred would even be. (“Uh, how many laps is a hundred?”) This might happen after they took a vacation and found a hotel with an “Olympic Size Pool”. Yeah, right … my money’s on ‘the girl’ … my daughter for starters!

Dawgpaddle
5 years ago

Problem #11 – Crying after races when one swims poorly. Come on girls – MAN UP!!!!

really?
Reply to  Dawgpaddle
5 years ago

The age that a girl would have to be to cry after a race is the same age when just as many boys would cry. Do you really think that is a problem for the badass high school, college, and professional swimmers who read swim swam?

Monika
Reply to  really?
5 years ago

In 10 years of swimming, I actually never saw a boy cry after a bad swim. I see girls cry all the time and it breaks my heart because they are so hard on themselves. Even high school girls cry occasionally. And some girls cry even before the meet even starts, after they see the lineup.

coachymccoachface
Reply to  Monika
5 years ago

Okay troll, go away. 10 years and you’ve never seen a boy cry? Yeah right.

St2016
Reply to  Monika
5 years ago

I’m sorry but championship meets are equal opportunity crying events. I’ve seen plenty of both genders crying.

Just Keep Swimming
Reply to  St2016
5 years ago

Agree!!!! My kids have been part of the swimming world for almost 10 years. I have seen just as many boys cry as girls when things don’t go as planned.

Kaitlyn
Reply to  Dawgpaddle
5 years ago

I’ve seen a boy rip off his cap *at a high school meet* and start shouting and then shortly after he starts crying.

Confused
5 years ago

#7
Although it is true that women should be able to compete in the same events as men at the Olympic Games for the sake of equality, saying girls can swim it as well as men is a bit laughable. 15:25 (the women’s world record) in a 1500 is crap compared to 14:31 (the men’s world record). The women are atleast 75 meters or more behind the men, they are no where near as good.

Ps. Don’t use Janet Evans as en example, my god her stroke was horrendous

M Palota
Reply to  Confused
5 years ago

Katie Ledecky.

Lollipop
Reply to  Confused
5 years ago

It’s nothing to do with being ‘good’. I would argue that Ledecky is far better than any current male 1500m swimmer. Maybe they swim it in less time, but that has nothing to do with talent or skill.

Person
Reply to  Confused
5 years ago

You truly are confused… or a troll. Either way, Janet Evans had an unorthodox stroke, you’re right, and maybe it wasn’t pretty to look at but it sure got the job done. I’d also like to point out that Paltrinieri’s stroke isn’t exactly the most beautiful thing in the world either.
When people say that women swim a 1500 as well as men they don’t mean that in the sense of time, obviously. I believe it’s fair to say that Katie Ledecky swims a 1500 better then anyone else in the world right now, regardless of their gender. She is more aggressive, more dominant, and heck, if you look at her recent results from college invites she’s right up… Read more »

Joe
Reply to  Confused
5 years ago

In reality, when you take the ratio of the female world record to the male world record, women get comparatively better as the distance goes up:
50: 1.135
100: 1.110
200: 1.108
400: 1.074
800: 1.072
1500: 1.062

And if you take the Rio 10k as an example of an even longer distance, this ratio falls to just 1.031.

So “women can swim the 1,500 as well as anyone by now” is actually an understatement.

Wake
Reply to  Confused
5 years ago

Remember that women competing with women gives them less competition and less chance to improve. There are many sports in which women could compete on equal terms with men. The problem is with the claims that they are physically equal.

Person
Reply to  Confused
3 years ago

I do agree her stroke wasn’t the best, but everything else is completely uncalled for and wrong.

Anna
6 years ago

I’m 44 and a pt and a former swimmer. I can still rattle out 15 wide pull ups and everyone wonders how the heck I do it

Swimmmer 13
6 years ago

I’ve given up on earrings