Gary: Alex Meyer is an animal! For readers that don’t know, Alex is qualified for London in the open water events (in distances 200 meters) and is the United States’ best, and only, hope for a men’s open water medal in London.
Thanks for joining us!
David: First off, Gary: congrats on acknowledging that 200s exist. Step 2 is 400s and the 1500. Second, Alex, it’s difficult to stay humble when you went to Harvard and make the Olympics. Sorry, that was a statement, not a question…
Gary: Harvard’s an expensive party, innit? You do know that one can find everything that Harvard teaches you online for the cost of a computer and internet connection?
David: Alex, well said. I’d only add that Gary is dum.
Gary: Harvard didn’t accept me because apparently they didn’t like the shape of my cranium. Or SAT scores.
I have a very nicely shaped head, by the way, and scored 4,382 SAT points in Reading and Writing and over 7 in Math.
Let me ask you this; is Harvard, or the Olympic movement, an elitist organization?
Gary: I know David is an elitist. He lives in Seattle. You live in Boston. Are you an elitist?
David: Gary, can I ask a question?
Gary: I don’t know David, can you?
David (ignoring Gary): Alex, you made the decision to stay in Boston after graduation, a pretty unorthodox move. Did you feel a lot of pressure to “just get a job” when you graduated, and does training at Harvard add anything to that?
Gary (trying to interrupt): Let’s ask a little less of a lame question Davi…
David: One question I’d love to hear your thoughts on, what do you think of people that say you have to choose between academic and athletic excellence? Do you have any wisdom to impart to the younger generation (i.e, not Wrinkle Hall, Jr.)?
David: Alex, what abou…actually, Gary? Where’d you go? That’s 30 seconds without a sarcastic comment.
Gary: David, you’ve got the charm of Dick Cheney. Don’t mind me. You’re doing great, Dick.
…You’re lucky I don’t “accidentally” shoot you and your charm in the face with a shotgun.
Go on, Alex.
David: What about you Alex? Do you have any questions for us?
David: Very insightful. Okay, let’s talk about serious stuff. Alex, what is the most annoying thing you have thought about while training?
I mean, I had Justin Timberlake’s “Rock Your Body” stuck in mind my entire junior year of college, even the thought of it makes me convulse these days.
Gary: I have David’s voice stuck in my head every time I try to write something intelligent. It kills me. Literally. I can feel my smart dying every time I hear his voice. It’s like my kryptonite.
David: That’s a bit over the top Gary.
Gary: I don’t see why.
David: Are you really going to make me explain this to you? I’m trying to have a conversation with Alex here, and you are monopolizing the conversation!
Gary: David, you’re getting emotional and upsetting the guest. Why don’t you return to your thought slumber?
David: You’re right.
Gary: Alex, those open water events actually take a long time to swim. Have you ever urinated during a race?
Gary: …David! You idiot! You had Alex’s address wrong. This has been going to “Alex Popov” not “Alex Meyer”.
David: Is there a difference?
Gary: So, team, our plans have changed. Stay tuned next week for our interview with Alex Meyer. Alex Popov, you are the light that shines out of Russia’s bottom.