Fake Swimming News From Funky Trunks and Funkita

After the mother-of-all lockdowns, Aussie swimwear brands, Funky Trunks and Funkita have released the mother-of-all collections to help make the return to the water that much less painful. It’s a roll call of the company’s best and brightest to add some spark to what has been a pretty bleak year so far.

To give you a little light reading and a chance to win your own pair of Funky Trunks and Funkita, we’re posting a selection of stories explaining the origins of the funky prints. These stories may not be entirely truthful and possibly slightly embellished, which makes them perfect for posting on Facebook.

So all you have to do is jump across to our Facebook page and share your favourite funky post to go in the draw to win a pair of Funky Trunks or Funkita swimwear for your return to the pool. There’s a new post for the next three days and a chance every day to win. Check out some of the best prints below, all modelled by the Funky Trunks and Funkita F-Team athletes. Enjoy!

Our top scientists and culinary experts have joined forces to create the first ever, never ending refilling bento box. Using body heat and other by-products released by the body into the garment, the box regenerates new delicious pickled treats and surprises. The more you exercise the more snacks you can tuck into or dish out to friends and family.

Simply by wearing this print, we guarantee that you will absorb the redeeming qualities of bamboo. Benefits can include growing a metre every day and having the ability to build houses, bridges and flutes. You will be celebrated through haiku poetry and the landscape paintings in the lobby of massage parlours. And you will be irresistible to pandas.

Being a professional sunbather is a challenging and arduous job. Forced to endure long hours in the hot sun with little appreciation from others, sunbathers are prone to being burnt out and are rarely compensated for their work. Our latest print is designed to draw attention to this undervalued workforce in society, who soak up the sun’s rays for the good of others.

Admittedly we can get a little lazy when we are designing our prints because there are just so many to do. So we sometimes just hang the fabric from the roof and tip a few pots of paint over the edge and see what happens. We then tell the funky head honcho that we have worked meticulously hard on the design and our customers believe we are talented and hard-working designers.

First discovered by our Nobel Peace Prize winning microbiologist, it is now accepted within the scientific community that there are many similarities between noodles and swimwear at a molecular level. The controversial discovery has led us to develop swimwear from noodles, bringing two complementary elements on the periodic table together in a union that even a President would call ‘beautiful’.

As we prepare our submission to be recognized as a religion, the true story of our origins can now be revealed. Many years ago, our spiritual leader was beckoned by the clouds to climb the misty mountain depicted in this print. What happened next is unclear but our leader returned several days later wearing nothing but colorful loin cloths and a mission to cover the world’s population in similar attire.

Our recent IPO had to be cancelled after our projected revenue included sales to customers that exist in parallel universes. As Hollywood has proved numerous times, we all exist in an infinite number of worlds where we all must be wearing our swimwear, so imagine the sales! Thanks to some know-it-all investor who took umbrage with our claims, the IPO was cancelled and along with it our order for a new private jet.

With our broadcasting division expanding globally we are taking on the big boys with our new live streaming channel. Our viewers can choose one of our unsuspecting customers to follow around all day via cameras installed in our swimwear. If anyone finds out what we are doing we intend to completely deny knowledge of the incident and promise to do better in the future.

To see more of the new Funky Trunks and Funkita collection (and read their stories), head across to our Facebook page (link to Swim Swam Facebook page) to see the daily competitions and check out the entire Mother Funky collection now!

www.funkytrunks.com
www.funkita.com

CLICK HERE TO FOLLOW FUNKY TRUNKS ON INSTAGRAM
CLICK HERE TO FOLLOW FUNKITA ON INSTAGRAM

Swimming new is courtesy of Way Funky Company, a SwimSwam partner. 

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Anonymoose

“These stories may not be entirely truthful and possibly slightly embellished, which makes them perfect for posting on Facebook.”

oh that burn hahaha

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