So I’m kind of pissed off at TYR right now… Faststache… really? I’ve been working on this for years and they come and scoop me? The nerve of some people. I guess I shouldn’t have written all my scientific notes in Swedish, goes to figure a company named after a Norse god would be able to decipher that. Fan ocksÃ¥.  Here’s the video they put out about it… stupid stick-on poseur mustaches…
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7OcdEiP7_AM]
I’ve been curating a facial hair swim study upon my own face the last few years. I started with a standard goatee. Dropped the mustache for hydrodynamic testing. Rocked a fu man chu for a while to test out the rough/smooth/rough pattern the old fastskins used. Ultimately I’ve settled on a huge beard and started cultivating a large handlebar mustache accompaniment to round out the whole package. I know you’re thinking wouldn’t a beard create a lot of drag? Tell that to Neptune, he seems to get by just fine.
The Adventure Beard (U.S. Patent Pending) was poised to be a breakout swim device, it was my million dollar idea to attempt to fund my swim blogger lifestyle. Unfortunately TYR rushing to market with just a mustache, which is destined to fail, totally cripples my plans. Once swimmers get burned by under performing mustaches they’ll be too skittish to spend some money on a full beard. Thanks a lot guys. It was already going to be hard enough just clearing FINA’s technical committee. I hear Craig Lord is currently petitioning them to limit swimmers to a John Waters style pencil mustache. Next thing you know they’re going to want me to shave my back…
So here it is, I demand satisfaction, bring me Matt Grevers. Matt, I don’t care if you’re 12 feet tall with 6 pack abs, my beard and I will fight you to restore our honor. You name the time and place. Make sure to bring that silly mustache so I can wipe it off your face… also maybe a step stool too because I’m only 5’9″ and I’m not sure I can reach your face from way down here.
Intimidated?
Damn… I need to do my own ridiculous photo shoot. I have never been so jealous. My adventure beard begins today. Great post, Rob!
Adventure Beard>Viking helmet? That would be an interesting battle.
Thanks dude! I think the beard is kind of a necessity with your viking helmet, ties the room together and whatnot. Good luck with your Adventure Beard! I’m still working on growing mine out enough that I can braid my mustache into my beard to keep it from getting in my mouth when I swim. I have weird problems.
I’m going to grow a beard too… in a few years…
Tif might not think I’m sexy anymore… I’ll float the idea to her and get back to you.
Mel – as the resident facial hair expert I think you should work on some Wolverine Chops… just sayin’ 🙂
Rob Aquatics….keep them coming. I’m growing a beard!