SwimSwam welcomes reader submissions about all topics aquatic, and if it’s well-written and well-thought, we might just post it under our “Shouts from the Stands” series. We don’t necessarily endorse the content of the Shouts from the Stands posts, and the opinions remain those of their authors. If you have thoughts to share, please send them to [email protected].
This “Shouts from the Stands” submission comes from Charles Hartley, a freelance writer based in Davidson, NC.
Now that the U.S. Olympic Swimming Trials have stopped splashing around our living rooms, we all need to make a sharp pivot right now to a different, urgent, and unpleasant situation now percolating in Paris.
The Seine River, which runs through the city and has been too polluted for people to swim in for decades, has been the focus and cash dump for Paris Olympics officials leading up to the Games. They’ve been trying to make sure it’s going to be clean enough to swim in for contestants in the 10-kilometer (6.2 mile) marathon and triathlon races.
This is true and it has me concerned, and if you’re a swimming fan you should be unsettled as well. Word out of Paris is the Mayor of Paris said she would swim in the river before the Games to demonstrate to the world she believes the water is safe for people to swim in. But so far she hasn’t – and may never will – because rainy conditions lately have slowed progress in cleaning up the gross gumbo. Hot warm weather devoid of rain helps clean pollutants out; rain keeps them in.
What this calls for is an act of patriotism and leadership and I believe I’m the one who is well suited to take on this challenge having done some things in my past that weren’t normal or socially impressive but nonetheless harmless and authentic and sometimes inspiring and laudable.
I volunteer myself to be the one to fly over to Paris this weekend, go into an astronaut outfit rocking a red, white, and blue Speedo underneath, take test tubes in the water for samples, and deliver them for examination by French healthcare officials and politicians.
I don’t know about you but I can’t stomach the idea of the 10 km marathon swim race and triathlon swimming leg being cancelled because the water is too disgusting. Use your imagination and you will be correct.
The world needs to see these events. The Olympics happen only every four years and are held in Paris like every half-century. There’s got to be a way to cleanse ourselves – and our minds — of this muck.
The Games must go on.
I will take this on.
There will be a set agenda.
After swimming and diving into the river eyeballing the water quality I would like to make arrangements with Paris authorities to hold a press conference at the top of the Eiffel Tower where I will, if all goes well in the laboratories, be able to announce that the river is no longer a cesspool and the events will go on because if I can swim in those waters and come out alive – being 40 years older than the competitors — then world class athletes certainly can. Age matters.
After the press conference I will sit right there on the Tower and type up a blog and send it to SwimSwam with the hopes they’ll publish the pleasant-smelling news before this controversy starts to emit awful aromas all around the world. We can’t allow the integrity of the Olympics we all have treasured throughout our lives be stopped by a rank river.
Don’t you worry. I got this. I’ll clean up this whole mess.
It’s what American patriotism is all about.
About Charles Hartley
Charles Hartley is a freelance writer based in Davidson, NC. He has a masters degree in journalism and a masters degree in business administration.
France has coastline and, apparently, great venues for open water racing. https://www.openwaterswimming.com/world-top-100/traversee-du-lac-dannecy/
Change the venue, not the events. Paris didn’t work early enough.
There’s surfing in Tahiti, a French colony. Why not open water and tri there?
Because flying the pool swimmers who are doing the double to the literal other side of the world on a 3 day turnaround, when there are plenty of viable options on the French mainline, is a really bad Plan B.
No one should be expected or allowed to swim in poop soup! We shut down our beaches for much lower contamination levels than the Seine. If the athletes train in that water prior to their races, they risk getting sick before their competitions.
These athletes have trained for years for their chance to participate in the Olympics. They should not be punished because Paris can’t get their (literal) shit together. Paris has known about these problems for decades and should have a Plan B for if (when?) their Plan A falls apart.
This is such a forehead smacking debacle. Surely there is a reservoir, lake, or beach somewhere in France that could have been gussied up to make a fine venue for open water and tri events. Is there no backup plan?
I know this might not be a popular opinion. But, as a country, we should not allow our swimmers to swim in this! Picking up bacteria, viruses and even amoeba from the water can lead to serious illness, lifelong health issues, and, even, death. France should move the race or we shouldn’t swim. It is just not worth it for these athletes’ health!
Marseille Marina in the Mediterranean. It is the Olympic Sailing venue.
I don’t swim in your toilet don’t poop in my pool!