Conquering Anxiety In Swimming

I promise you, the fear you feel won’t get you anywhere. I know it’s real. I know it’s eating you up inside and dominating your thoughts. I know conquering it is much easier said than done because I’ve been there.

Ever since I missed nationals by .16 my freshman year, my swimming career has suffered tremendously. That race changed me. I quickly developed a passion for cut times that replaced my passion for the sport of swimming. I was practicing and racing with only one goal in mind: to make it to nationals. And if I didn’t achieve that, all my hard work will have gone to waste. There was no other reason for my swimming. It became a job for me. But now, looking back on the past few seasons, there is so much I know now that I wish I knew then.

I wish I could go back and tell myself that my fear of failure was illegitimate. Failure was not defined by the cut time. I failed myself by defining myself with a few numbers. The panic attacks wouldn’t benefit me at all, and the tears behind the blocks wouldn’t change the fact that I would have to swim in a few minutes, and with that attitude, I was guaranteeing myself a bad race. Cut-chasing me at 2013 State Championships almost passed out because she got so dizzy and from anxiety before her race. Not only was it one of the scariest experiences of my life, but it was the start of my fear in swimming.

I know it’s hard to remind yourself in the moment, but cuts aren’t everything. They don’t define you. They compare you.

I let it get to the point that I literally could not breathe before my races. Guess where that got me? Zero improvement and resentment for the sport.

I can guarantee you that everything in life is done better with passion in your heart. You’ll perform better if you want to swim. I’m not telling you to stop caring. Or to always be satisfied. But there needs to come a point when you say, you know what? That was a pretty damn good race I just swam. Confidence will keep your love alive. It was when I began thinking I wasn’t good at swimming when I started to actually hate how swimming made me feel.

It wasn’t until I began my college search that I realized I’m actually not bad at all. Just because I’m not the fastest swimmer on my team doesn’t mean I’m not talented.

Being from one of the best teams in New Jersey, it was so hard for me to have that confidence because I was constantly comparing myself to the fast swimmers I practiced with. I realized there are a lot of schools I can swim for- amongst them, some Division I.

My advice to you is this: Be proud of yourself. If you’re training and giving it your best, there’s nothing to beat yourself up about.

Don’t let numbers get in the way of your love of the sport. If, mentally, swimming ever makes you think negatively of yourself, reevaluate. Here I am, years later, regretting the races I’ve wasted being negative. If I had just swam because I loved it instead of swimming for a time, I would have been not only happier, but faster. I am just now starting to relinquish my love for the sport. Everyday I try to acknowledge the fact that I am a dedicated athlete and that is something, in itself, I should be immensely proud of. I desperately want to have that passion I used to have back. And everyday, I think I’m a little closer to getting there. Looking back, though, I realize it could have been avoided.

Please don’t let the fear take over. It will never benefit you in any way. I promise.