If You’ve Ever Done Fly in a Hotel Pool, This Quiz Is for You

By Matt Rees and Jonathan Rick

We suspect every SwimSwam reader has experienced the following: you’re on vacation, you’re desperate for a swim workout, but the only option is the hotel pool. And the pool length is something weird (like 17.5 yards), there are typically kids (and sometimes adults) frolicking, and you suspect no one present has ever been around a swimmer who’s inclined to do, say, 10 x 100 on a 1:25 interval.

Faced with these conditions, do you slink off to the gym for some dryland? Or do you do your best swim boss routine and proceed with the workout?

If you choose the latter, take the following quiz to determine the magnitude of your hotel swim flex.

First things first: are you going to signal that you’re a serious swimmer? There are a few ways to do that: If you throw on a cap, give yourself five points. Give yourself an extra two points if you remembered to bring a pull buoy and paddles – and use them. And if you’re male and wear a brief, or female and wear a two-piece training suit, give yourself another five points. (But if you’re male and vacationing in Europe, you only get three points for a brief, since all Euros – swimmers or not – go with the skimpy look.)

Ok, on to the actual swimming. If your first set includes a lap of fly, give yourself five points. And you get an extra five points for every consecutive lap of fly you swim. (Pool must be 20 yards or longer!)

If your first few laps are leisurely breast, subtract three points – unless that’s just a head fake and you follow the breast with two or more laps of fly.

For each 100 IM equivalent, give yourself five points. Add two points for every reverse IM you swim. Subtract three points for each time the absence of backstroke flags – are there any hotel pools with backstroke flags? – causes you to crash into the wall, like an age grouper, head-first.

If the hotel staff, a lifeguard, or a guest asks you not to do flip turns because you’re splashing people sitting poolside, give yourself five points. (Give yourself an extra two points if you resist the temptation to point out that the complainers are sitting by a pool full of water.) If you need to navigate around kids or pool noodles, give yourself two points.

For each day you swim for at least an hour, give yourself five points. Subtract three points if you swim for less than 30 minutes.

If you push 90 percent or more of your typical practice pace, give yourself five points. Subtract three points if you’re going at less than 50 percent.

If you finish your workout with five or more no-breath, all-out sprints, give yourself five points. Subtract three points if you let out some celebratory yell after completing the workout.

If you’ve ever won a swimming competition held in a hotel pool – at any age – give yourself five points. But if you’ve entered such a competition and walked away with a participation ribbon, subtract five points.

Tired of pool workouts and want to try water aerobics? Give yourself three points. But if you’re sore the next day, subtract those three points. And if you’re so sore you can’t swim or do water aerobics, subtract five points.

If at any point when you’re in or around the pool, someone asks you whether you’re a professional swimmer or competed in the Olympics, give yourself five points. If you are or were a pro swimmer or swam in the Olympics, give yourself 10 points. And if someone asks you if you’re – insert name of star swimmer – and you are that person, give yourself 25 points.

Results

• 65 points or more: Congratulations, you’re a hotel pool swim boss.
• 55-64 points: Impressive, but you need a few reverse IM’s to get into master class category.
• 45-54 points: You need work. Thinking about having your swim coach write you some sets to use on your next vacation.
• 44 points or fewer: Stick to noodles and floaties. Or water aerobics.

Hotel Pool Options

One of your correspondents recently had several great swims in an unexpected location: the ITC Grand Chola hotel in Chennai, India. One of the pools at the Club Med in Punta Cana seems to be more than 50 meters. And there’s rumored to be a solitary black line along the bottom of one of the pools at the Mirage in Las Vegas.

Post a comment to let us know how you scored – and if you know of any great hotel pools or have any memorable hotel swim experiences.

Matt Rees, a former White House speechwriter, is a Masters swimmer based in Walnut Creek, California. Jonathan Rick is a freelance ghostwriter and Masters swimmer based in Washington, DC. Both have extensive experience swimming in hotel pools. But no one has asked them if they competed in the Olympics.