We Cry With and For You, Missy Franklin

Charles Hartley, a free-lance writer based in New Jersey, has written more than a thousand published sports articles. He earned Master’s degrees in Business Administration and Journalism. In addition, he was awarded his Bachelor’s degree from Wake Forest University where he majored in English and Communications.

I went to my mother, hugged her, and started to cry. It was my graduation day from college. My three brothers, two sisters, and father watched this embrace on the campus quadrangle on a bright sunny morning in May. I don’t recall ever crying in my mother’s arms until that day.

I needed someone to hug. Mom was the obvious choice as she, and many other mothers, so often are. With the ceremony having ended a few minutes earlier, on my mind was this question “What am I going to do with the rest of my life?”

At 22 years old, I had plenty of reasons to be less than optimistic, uncertain, and bereft of confidence. College courses had taxed me mentally to the point of despondency. I had aimed high and the results were below that.

Graduating was an experience worth crying about because I was sad and worried and pretty much lost. It got worse.

Two weeks later I took a two week round-trip drive from the Washington, D.C., to Los Angeles with no particular idea of what to do next. A few months later, still searching for I don’t know what, I moved away from home to Sarasota, Florida. It was stimulating lying on the beach reading F. Scott Fitzgerald’s “This Side of Paradise” and “Alice in Wonderland.” But I learned that no matter how many books I read, no matter the depth of my literary knowledge, regardless of how nicely tanned my skin got, it was not possible to stop thinking about what profession to pursue.

In that Florida town I had a job for a while that I didn’t really want as a mortgage loan processor. Within a few months the boss suggested I might want to leave. So I left.

How my life intersects with yours

This week on TV I saw you, twenty-one-year-old Missy Franklin, remaining in the pool in lane 7 with your hands close together on the pool deck. With your head wrapped in a black cap and US flag on the side, you leaned your head against them. Your face wasn’t visible.

You had just finished last in your heat in the 200 meter backstroke at the 2016 Olympics – nearly six seconds slower than your world record time at the 2012 Olympics that won you a Gold Medal.

You would not be advancing to the finals. No medal opportunity. Your American teammate who finished second, Maya Dirado, put her left hand on your right ear and right hand on your left ear. It was the way a mother does to give her child a pep talk and make them believe they are special and can bounce back, often on their way out the door to go to elementary school. She was being a consoling friend.

Every other time I have seen you, Missy, you have been smiling. But this time you were crying. You looked so sad.

You won four Golds and a total of five in the London Olympics. In this week’s Rio Olympics, you won only one in a team relay.

Your 2016 Olympics were over because of your backstroke performance.

Dirado would go on to overachieve in the final and win the Gold Medal, her fourth of the games. Instead of you being the female star of the American team, Dirado ascended to that height along with Katie Ledecky who won four Gold Medals. Their Olympic experiences sharply contrast with yours in terms of wins, glory and appearances on the NBC Today show with Medals around their necks. They rolled in the hardware and you didn’t. You are no longer America’s best female swimmer and everybody who follows the sport, either closely or casually, knows it.

The end of the Olympic Games are like the end of college. You work so much to get through the experience. You spend countless hours preparing, thinking, toiling. Then everything stops suddenly.

It’s time to make a life change. It is forced upon you. Your life situation will never be the same. People will move on.

You have to move on from this painful experience, Missy, just as I did from mine in college and others do, inevitably, in their lives. I had to face my fears, admit my insecurities, accept that I had not achieved all I had wanted to, admit I felt embarrassed by my performance, and make big decisions about what to do next.

On your Facebook page after your final race you indicate that you will be back stronger than ever before…and peace is knowing that I did everything I possibly could have done.

Preparing so much and not achieving what you had set out to do can be excruciating.

I wanted to get a 4.0 grade point average in college. It didn’t happen. I cried on graduation day. Tears flowed because I didn’t attain my goals. I lacked confidence to achieve them in the future – whatever they were going to be.

You hoped to win Gold Medals at the 2016 Olympics. It didn’t happen. You cried. We all understand. Life can be painful.

It would be understandable if this has shaken your confidence that you can again become a Gold Medal level. You may even be re-thinking whether you want to keep swimming.

I hope if you pursue the next Olympics it’s because you want to rather than you feel you have to prove to everybody else you can win individual Gold Medals again. If you want to stop, and that’s what your heart is really telling her, then stop.

Seeing you cry hurts. It’s tough to see other people achieve the pinnacle of their sport and then fall from that height in a few short years.

We feel your pain, Missy. We have all lost. We have all aimed for something, worked at it endlessly, and misfired. We all know what it’s like to wonder whether we should keep pursuing a goal or abandon it and try something else; and if we choose the latter we often worry that we will think of ourselves as quitters and not tough enough.

We, like you, have to make tough choices about what to do next, as you will have to over the next several months and years. Often it’s as tough deciding what to do as deciding what not to do.

Your Olympic story, from star in 2012 to less than that in 2016, is a universal one. We go up and we fall down over and over throughout life.

Realize you are not alone. We are rooting for you to overcome this experience and turn it into a positive.

In grade school and high school, I excelled in sports. I was a star. For most of my adult life I have not been. Being at the top can make the fall much more painful when you hit bottom. When you’re just another person, not a superstar, people don’t pay as much attention to you. It can be hard to not be the center of attention.

I’ve been to both places, the zenith and the nadir. Now I see you going through, perhaps, a similar scenario. I don’t know you, and you haven’t asked for my advice, but I think it’s true of most people that the key is to follow your heart and not worry about what everybody else thinks.

Many people thought I was being impractical when I decided I wanted to be a  writer. They questioned whether I had the talent. I heard what they said, but listened  to my heart. It said “be a writer.” Following this instinct has given me a fulfilling professional career, one I know was the right one for me.

This is your life and your decision. You were on top of the world of swimming, and that’s an awesome achievement. And you can be again; or pursue whatever you choose. We will respect you and love you no matter what you decide.

It may take longer and be more difficult than your ascent to the top of the swimming world was in 2012. But when you reach the mountaintop again – as I expect you will — it will be more fulfilling than ever.

This article is courtesy of and written by Charles Hartley. 

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Dcrabbe6
7 years ago

This article is brash and truthful I think it is very good. People need to stop making excuses and excepted the reality of the situation that’s the only way you can move on.

sandy
7 years ago

I feel sorry for Missy Franklin’s embarrassment but honestly her teammates beat her big time! Missy is good at self promotion and will find a way to turn the conversation around.

Steph
Reply to  sandy
7 years ago

I think it’s ridiculous that no one here has mentioned Missy’s back injury. She is a backstroker for heaven’s sake! Maybe we don’t know as much about its severity as we think we do. Honestly, her starts and underwater dolphin kick indicate a severe reduction in flexibility since 2012. Whether that is a physical response to ongoing pain, or a mental block following a painful injury, doesn’t matter. It could easily add one second per start and turn, and voila – best time + about 5 seconds. We need to be lifting Missy up with our confidence in her sterling commitment to teamwork and the sport, not tearing her down from the outside. I hope that she can either achieve… Read more »

Aaron
7 years ago

She fell off because she stopped doping.

Brute Bradford
7 years ago

All she needs is a dietician, the willingness to train as hard as she did from 2008-2012, and a sports psychologist. She’s carrying too much weight, and that’s affecting her fitness and body position. This can all be fixed. The question is, does she want to do what is necessary?

Anonymous
7 years ago

I think missy got distracted w/ all obligations. I think it makes her more human…she’s not perfect and a machine and will come back better then ever

Vince Harris
7 years ago

Cringe or truth, make up your own mind but it’s still not as cringe as that Cara Lynn Joyce video interview. That was real cringe.

Taa
Reply to  Vince Harris
7 years ago

link?

Skoorbnagol
7 years ago

She was a teenage phenom who gave up millions of dollars for the cal college experience.
Hope it was worth it.
Sports brutal, let’s not feel to sorry for her she clearly didn’t do the work at cal.
She’s had an outstanding career, Olympic golds, world records, world champion, every swimmers dream, no sympathy.

Yada
Reply to  Skoorbnagol
7 years ago

“clearly didn’t do the work at cal” is a huge and almost certainly erroneous assumption

Skoorbnagol
Reply to  Yada
7 years ago

The results speak volumes, pb+5 at the Olympic Games.
Todd tried to salvage what he could, but terri sunk the ship and it was unrepairable.
Go live the cal lifestyle, get her degree and look to life after swimming.
We have to learn from history, Katie hoff, Elizabeth pelton, Elizabeth biesel, Rachael Bootsma and now missy, they had there moment and for one reason or another could never get anywhere near past form.

Yada
Reply to  Skoorbnagol
7 years ago

My objection is with your implication that she didn’t do the work. Unless you were on deck you really can’t speak to that, and there are zero anecdotes from anyone about Missy being a slacker. Lots of things can lead to a decline in performance but I am about as sure as I can be that work ethic was not one of them here.

Skoorbnagol
Reply to  Yada
7 years ago

What do you put pb+5 down to at the Olympic Games?
Imagine phelps going 1.59 200im
Ledecky going 1.59 200free
The question would be illness or out of shape.

Yada
Reply to  Skoorbnagol
7 years ago

I can do basic math, thank you very much, apparently better than you, as Ledecky’s 200 free time plus five seconds would be a 1:58.
My personal theory on Missy is that, being a girl who was 6ft+ at 15, she has peaked physically, but hasn’t adjusted her training methods accordingly. Doesn’t mean she’s definitely peaked from an athletic standpoint, but my experience with NCAA coaches is that most of them overtrain their athletes. Banging out yards on yards (or meters) isn’t the best way to get faster anymore. She needs to work on improving her overall athleticism, her underwaters (on which she gives up significant margins on every turn to virtually every other world class backstroker) and do… Read more »

Markster
Reply to  Yada
7 years ago

Missy is a slacker

Skoorbnagol
Reply to  Yada
7 years ago

Well if we’re going to be picky about basic maths:
Missy PB 2.04.06 / Rio 2.09.37 (heat)
Ledecky PB 1.53.73 + 5.31 = 1.59.04
Hmm
That’s a decent theory.
So based of what your saying is that Teri and cal coaches / Todd did not train the athlete correctly, a winning NCAA D1 team neglected the needs of an Olympic champion in terms of developing her and been able to move her on for long course swimming.

Yada
Reply to  Skoorbnagol
7 years ago

You seem very keen on assigning blame to someone. That’s a pointless exercise.

annie713
Reply to  Yada
7 years ago

Right ON!!!

Taa
Reply to  Yada
7 years ago

everyone needs to remember she went 156high and 207low at an Arena Pro Meet in Nov 2015. Presumably unrested so she was on track for solid performances but the wheels on the bus fell off at some later point and we dont know why yet. Thats a pretty narrow window of time 7-8months and I would go with the olympic year and sponsor distractions etc. Another way to look at it is that she did exactly what Cate Cambell did but she did it in super duper slow motion i.e. she choked under pressure but instead of everything being fine up until Day 5 in Rio she began her choke over a six month period of time..similar result no individual… Read more »

Dcrabbe6
Reply to  Skoorbnagol
7 years ago

This may be the most ignorant statement I’ve ever read. Todd didn’t try to salvage anything they had over a year to work really hard and she did he got worse… Her best year since 2013 was 2015 and that year she had her base work don’t with Terri mckeever was not the problem the problem is something physically changed about missy.

Anonymous
Reply to  Skoorbnagol
7 years ago

“Didn’t do the work…” It isn’t anyone’s place but Missy’s to comment about her effort level or the lack of it. Its unfortunate that she wasn’t able to medal this time around, but she did an amazing job. She made it to the Olympics. That’s something not many people can say. So yeah, I feel sorry for her, and I hope she comes back stronger than ever.

Skoorbnagol
Reply to  Anonymous
7 years ago

Do you feel sorry for every 4th places finisher, 9th place finisher, every swimmer that came third at trials ?
Swimmers that as good as Phelps, ledecky, lochte, peirsol, etc and I think prior to these games Missy was thought of as swimmer who belonged in the same sentence as these, always perform on the big stage. A 21 yr old girl swimming PB+5, is poor. As reigning Olympic champ, world record holder and world champ, it’s hard to feel sorry for her, she knew what she needed to do and I believe she didn’t do it.
She made the Olympics? Her ambitions should be well beyond getting the lime Nike trainers.

Yada
Reply to  Skoorbnagol
7 years ago

Would you say you’re more of a giant douche, or more of a turd sandwich?

Skoorbnagol
Reply to  Yada
7 years ago

Gone fishing and caught a kipper

Stay Human
Reply to  Skoorbnagol
7 years ago

Sounds like you need some hugs way more than Missy. Whatever difficulties you’re going through or went through, here’s a cyberhug for you.

Anonymous
Reply to  Skoorbnagol
7 years ago

Yes i do. Because regardless of their athletic acheivements to date every race is a new race for everyone and there is no guarantee for anyone, including the people you listed above, that they will swim a PB. Sometimes it just isn’t there for an athelte, through no fault of their own.

Also college swimming is very different from international competitions. The Cal coaches are focused on training one of the best college programs in the country. That is their job. So assigning blame to her coaches for “not training the athlete correctly” is ridiculous. Each coach in training atheltes for two very different meets/seasons.

It’s easy for us (all of us) to comment from our coaches where… Read more »

Taa
Reply to  Anonymous
7 years ago

I don’t think she did an amazing job at least swimming wise. She held it together for the team and wasnt a distraction so I give her credit for that. Judging one’s performance is always relative to what one is capable of and the circumstances surrounding them on that day. Its true we don’t know all that is going on maybe one day she will write a book and tell us what was really going on and we can put it in perspective.

Anonymous
Reply to  Taa
7 years ago

I can agree with that. Her times weren’t ‘amazing’ as I said earlier. She did manage to keep a smile on her face most of the time and support her team, like you said.

JudgeNot
Reply to  Skoorbnagol
7 years ago

Only she knows if it was worth it to go to Cal, and she says yes. She’s not asking for anyone to feel sorry for her – doesn’t strike me as her style. As to how hard she worked? I’d guess pretty hard – she killed it at Cal. But, I don’t know, and neither do you, yet you feel compelled to comment negatively. And then below, even better, you state what her ambitions “should be”. Hers, not yours. You people kill me.

Hint of Lime
Reply to  Skoorbnagol
7 years ago

Your statements here are almost as nonsensical a as your pseudonym

Ervin
7 years ago

According to her interview with GMA this morning shes headed back to Cal

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6oSLlUqZ9fw

Anon
Reply to  Ervin
7 years ago

I hope she will be swimming with Dave.

McKeever is not the answer.

College swimming fan
Reply to  Ervin
7 years ago

How come no one is asking her if she is sad she gave up her college eligibility??? She went pro and forfeited her college career! Seems that is the saddest part about it