What is The Art of Swim Parenting?

by SwimSwam 9

July 01st, 2015 International, Opinion, Training

Courtesy of Gary Hall Sr., 10-time World Record Holder, 3-time Olympian, 1976 Olympic Games US Flagbearer and The Race Club co-founder. (Swimmer in photo: George Bovell)

Being a swim parent is not easy. If it were, we would likely have 2 million registered USA Swimming members, rather than 400,000. Swim parents have to be unselfish, dedicated, loving, committed and invested to help their children succeed in the sport. In this day and age, how many parents will sit on a hot bleacher or in a chlorine filled natatorium or behind a starting block, timing all weekend, for the pleasure of watching their child swim for a few minutes? Or how many children today would rather be sitting around for the same duration in the same environment waiting to race when they could be in their air-conditioned home in front of their large screen television playing Minecraft or Game of War?

Those are some of the challenges that face the sport of swimming, as well as every other sport in America. What about you as a swim parent? What challenges do you face in order to see your child truly enjoy swimming and derive the most benefit from the sport?

Every swimmer of any age who comes to The Race Club is told the same thing. It is more important to have fun than it is to win Olympic gold medals. Of course, I always make sure that when I tell the swimmer this, the parents are standing right behind them. The truth is, the message is more directed to the parents than it is to the swimmer.
Too often, parents are overzealous in their desire to help their child succeed. While they only want the very best for their child, their words of advice, criticism or even encouragement can backfire on them. To a child, these words, no matter how well intended, are often construed as feeling pressure to succeed. A swimming career should be viewed as a marathon, not a sprint. If a swimmer feels pressure coming from the parents or coach for too long a period of time, he or she will often rebel and quit the sport. If not, then swimming ceases to be fun. Either way, the child loses out.

I learned a great deal about swim parenting from my mother. My father was a solo-practicing Orthopedic surgeon in the days before cell phones. He was on call 24/7 and could never leave the house phone. He rarely got to see me swim. My mother drove me all over the LA basin to workouts and meets and volunteered to time at most of them. She rarely said much to me, but when she did, it was always positive. Before I would compete, she would always tell me to ‘have fun’. After each race, whether good or bad, she would put her arm around me, hug me, and say ‘I love you’. Those were the only words I needed to hear.

As parents, my wife, Mary, and I had six children (3 boys, 3 girls)…all swimmers. Of course, Mary did most of the driving to meets and workouts. Once, when they were young, and dabbling in different sports, they started to get hooked on video games. I put my foot down.

“You are all going to do some sport” I told them. “I don’t care what sport, as long as you do something.” That was naïve.

“Are you kidding me?”, Mary interrupted, having overheard this conversation. “Do you think I am going to drive six kids all over this valley to different sports programs? What do think I am, a taxi driver? No, we have a great swim club nearby. They should all swim.” So that is what they did.

All six children had different levels of ability and passion for the sport. Mary and I subscribed to my mother’s philosophy of swim parenting and basically told them to ‘have fun’ and always ‘I love you’ after each race. They all had various levels of success, but I believe that they all had fun and, for the most part, look back fondly on their swimming careers. Swimming taught each of them many valuable life lessons.

My advice to all swim parents is to do the same. When you feel the urge to critique your child for an obvious mistake, bite your lip and keep your mouth shut. Let the coach coach. Your role is supportive, emotionally and financially. If you truly want your children to enjoy swimming and you want to help them succeed, and if you want your children to swim for life, not just as children (what other sport has an age group for over 100 years of age?), then simply remember two important sentences, ‘have fun’ and ‘I love you’. Get them to swim practices and the meets. If they need help in technique and aren’t getting enough of that at practice or if they need more motivation, bring them to The Race Club. Do those things and tell them those five magical words. The rest will take care of itself.

Yours in Swimming,

Gary Sr.

Gary Hall, Sr.,  Technical Director and Head Coach of The Race Club (courtesy of TRC)

Gary Hall, Sr., Technical Director and Head Coach of The Race Club (courtesy of TRC)

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Because Life is Worth Swimming, our mission is to promote swimming through sport, lifelong enjoyment, and good health benefits. Our objective is for each member of and each participant in The Race Club to improve his or her swimming performances, health, and self-esteem through our educational programs, services and creativity. We strive to help each member of The Race Club overcome challenges and reach his or her individual life goals.

The Race Club, logoThe Race Club provides facilities, coaching, training, technical instruction, video, fitness and health programs for swimmers of all ages and abilities. Race Club swim camps are designed and tailored to satisfy each swimmer’s needs, whether one is trying to reach the Olympic Games or simply improve one’s fitness. Our programs are suitable for beginner swimmers, pleasure swimmers, fitness swimmers, USA swimming or YMCA swimmers, or triathletes; anyone who wants to improve swimming skills. All of our Race Club members share an enjoyment of being in the water and use swimming to stimulate a more active mind and body.

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jack baker
8 years ago

I see REALSWIMMOM’S point – depending upon where you live – there may not be another option for the kid – so what do we do? Move out of town? Give up swimming? Just become another statistic?

I’m sick and tired of seeing swim clubs not adjust to the kids. There are too many coaches who have been coaching swimming for years and are stuck. They just want to get practice over and move on with their day. Then there are the other coaches that are part of an elite program that want to maintain their club status and circles within the USA Swimming community. What we need are coaches (like a Gary Hall mentions) who are actually TEACH the… Read more »

Katie Gianotti
8 years ago

This is a great article. I always add the line, “I love to watch you swim.” Because it’s true!

This sport takes sooo much dedication from the child…

I do try to just be supportive and keep my mouth shut.

Recently, I noticed that during the sardine swim (what I call warm ups…looks like packed sardines) …I noticed I could pick my child out of that crowd in seconds. Why? I know how her body moves. I know that arm in the backstroke. Her head in the breast stroke. The way her feet kick in freestyle. Not that she’s better. Oh, no. She’s just 11. But I know her in seconds.

I told her that recently and said, “I just… Read more »

Gary Hall Sr.
8 years ago

Real Swim Mom makes a pretty good point. It is actually hard for both swimmer and parent to get to meets and practices….but life is not easy. The hard work that swimming teaches is one of the great life lessons.
If we are to grow our sport to 2 million, then swimming coaches need to welcome and provide a program suitable for swimmers that just want to be ok….not necessarily Olympians or the best that they can possibly be. Too many of our coaches only want to coach or provide a program for the latter.
Swimming is a great sport for life at any level of commitment. We need to encourage the development of more programs and meet… Read more »

Allen
Reply to  Gary Hall Sr.
8 years ago

I really appreciate Gary’s comment. It shows a true understanding of the swimmers and swim parents out there. It appears that too many people are too quick to vote down any dissenting comments on this site. Swimming science doesn’t necessarily support double practices as the best avenue for improvement. Doctors would support letting the kids sleep in so they can recover and grow. The bottom line is we need programs for different levels of commitments and abilities. Let the swimmers and their parents decide the level of commitment they want to put into their swimming!

SwimMom
Reply to  Allen
8 years ago

“The bottom line is we need programs for different levels of commitments and abilities” – a good Club will offer that. Especially in the teen age range – a practice group for the swimmers who WANT doubles, harder work, etc. and a practice group for those that love competitive swimming, but maybe don’t want to continue into college with it, just want to be a good, solid high-school swimmer.

Realswimmom
8 years ago

Usa swimming could have 2 million members if they had structured programs in place that were to be followed by all usa swimming clubs. No reason to make the kids ruin their (and their parents) summer by having “doubles” during the summer. Is it really necessary to make teenagers and their parents get up at 5am to start practice at 6am every day 6 days per week? Then 3 x per week have another practice from 2pm till 5 pm. Usa swimming should look at making the programs at least bearable. Now it’s worse than a marine boot camp. As the parent of 3 swimmers I would tell anyone looking at the sport to be ready for a relatively unpleasant… Read more »

anonymous
Reply to  Realswimmom
8 years ago

Nothing like top-down bureaucracy to improve everything./sarc

If you don’t like the fact that your club has mandatory AM attendance then switch to a different program. Your desire for USA Swimming to control everything reminds me of liberals who want a strong national government and fail to see the benefits of federalism.

swumswum
Reply to  Realswimmom
8 years ago

While I don’t think Anonymous needed to go into politics (this is a swimming news site after all), they do make a valid point. Change clubs if you do not want that practice schedule. A quick look at local clubs near me shows some offer doubles, some don’t, and some are at different times.

What doesn’t sit well with me in your statement is no mention of if your swimmer wants to do the doubles? I read your comment as being about YOU and the inconvenience to you, not your children. “A relatively unpleasant experience,” for who, you? If your swimmers wants to attend doubles and loves the sport then I’m sorry it’s not “bearable” for you. Make it… Read more »

SwimMom
Reply to  Realswimmom
8 years ago

Unpleasant for WHOM?

Last I checked, nobody is forced to swim. Ever. Also, 6am MIGHT be the only time your club can get water.

USA swimming isn’t the one controlling your club’s practice schedule or making it “bearable”.