We here at SwimSwam like to keep you all updated on all the hot stories both in and out of the water. In the spirit of Halloween, it appears that Michael Phelps, Ryan Lochte, and Natalie Coughlin have decided to hand out something besides candy to the Trick-Or-Treaters that just happen to visit their homes this year.
“I think I’m just going to give out all of these medals,” stated a very casual Michael Phelps. “Sure I worked hard for them all, but who really needs them anymore?”
Phelps has managed to haul in an incredible 71 total medals from the Olympics, World Championships, and Pan Pac Championships over the years. When asked how he imagines people will react to such a strange “treat” Phelps told us that he wasn’t even going to be handing out the medals personally.
“No I won’t be home. I’m going to a party at a friend’s house that night. I’m just going to put them all in a punch bowl with a sign that says, ‘Please take one,’ written on it,” began Phelps. “Do I think that the kids are going to abide by the code of the sign? No, probably not. I image the Olympic medals will go first, than kids will be disappointed that only the World Champs ones are left, but hey, they’re solid gold so why not take them, you know?”
When asked what Phelps planned to dress up as for his friend’s party he shrugged and said, “Probably the ‘Gangnam Style’ guy.”
When Natalie Coughlin heard that Phelp’s planned to hand out all of his medals, she too thought that it was a pretty good idea.
“It makes perfect sense to me,” began Couglin. “I have like forty-eight medals from all of those meets. It’s just too much. When would I wear them? They don’t go with anything that I own. They just take up space.”
She continued, “I guess I’ll keep one of the Olympic golds…I mean, people are always asking if they can hold one. That’s the thing, they want to hold ONE. Not like, fifty.”
When we asked Coughlin what she planned to do if she ran out of medals she stated that she would probably make her husband run out to the closest Walgreens to buy a bag filled with whatever kind of international swimming medals they had left.
Ryan Lochte is also on board with handing out his medals, stating that he is more of a wrist watch guy.
“Yea, I thought this would be something cool to do for the kids, jeah? Also, I will be greeting Trick-Or-Treaters, and their mom’s, without wearing a shirt.”
Lochte continued by saying that being shirtless was to raise awareness for those in the face of danger from Hurricane Sandy. When we told him that didn’t make sense he just smiled and said, “My 90210 episode is going to air on November 5!”
Other swimmers aren’t quite ready to part with their hardware yet.
“I only have sixteen total medals right now, but I’m sure in a few years I’ll have some more to dish out to the kidos in my neighborhood,” said Olympic Gold Medalist Matt Grevers.
“I mean, I’ll hand out some of the medals that I won when I was a kid. Do people want those?”
Meanwhile, Missy Franklin intends to keep all five of her Olympic Medals and wear them while Trick-Or-Treating as someone who eerily resembles Missy Franklin.
That’s all for now, until next time SwimSwamFans!
Jesse Kubanet, swimswam contributor
Contributor, Jesse Kubanet, started swimming when he was young, because he was heavy and needed to lose weight. Years later, he joined his high school swim team and fell in love with wearing Speedos. He is currently a Junior on the swim team at Wheeling Jesuit University. He will be away from the team this fall, to spend a semester in Chicago participating in the Second City’s semester long Comedy Studies Program. He loves swimming and would love to party with Anders Holm from Workaholics. After college, his dream is to become a comedy writer, especially for Conan O’brien.